Sex, Death, Affairs: Everything People Would Rather Talk About Than Money

It is fantastic that the media is finally focusing on the personal side of money.

Exactly why I started my practice, Emily Scott &. We are taught early on to not talk about money. Our money stories affect everything in our lives and the feelings/emotions we have around money impact our decisions and our relationships.

Sex, Death, Affairs: Everything People Would Rather Talk About Than Money

The merits of talking candidly about salary are widely acknowledged. Actually doing it is more complicated.

By Emma Goldberg, Published Jan. 13, 2023, Updated June 20, 2023

Link to article

A Trust Would Give Me Big Bucks if I Had Children. I’m Concerned.

The Ethicist column in the New York Times recently posted a letter from a son about his parents' trust. I wholeheartedly agree with the Ethicist's response. If the letter writer was my client, I would have us go deeper to learn his money story and how his parents' plan triggers his emotions and feelings about money that he isn't aware of. Given that many are taught to not talk about money, it is understandable that we are unaware of our emotional side of money (also called the human side of money).

A Trust Would Give Me Big Bucks if I Had Children. I’m Concerned.

The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on a wealthy family’s philanthropic planning.

By Kwame Anthony Appiah, Aug. 9, 2024

Link to article

BJ Miller Ted Talk: What Really Matters at the End of Life

Emily's dear friend, Dr. BJ Miller gives an extraordinary TED talk about legacy and end of life.

What is the Power of AND?

Esteemed business consultant, author, and lecturer, Jim Collins, has famously said that, “Builders of greatness reject the ‘Tyranny of the OR’ and embrace the ‘Genius of the AND.’” According to this concept, we can “embrace both extremes across a number of dimensions at the same time—purpose AND profit, continuity AND change, freedom AND responsibility, discipline AND creativity, humility AND will, empirical analysis AND decisive action, etc.”

In this way, AND represents the greater possibilities in life. It also speaks to a sense of personal wholeness or not having to choose between the things in life that are important to you and that bring you happiness. In regards to the offerings that Emily provides, AND represents the alignment between your intentions and your financial resources.

Good to Great: Amazon Link

What makes the Power of AND so powerful?

Psychologist Stephen Goldbart and psychotherapist Joan DiFuria have jointly written about the importance of maintaining a mindset that focuses not just on the accumulation or management of wealth, but also on a sense of deep fulfillment. Having a connection between your money and your values allows you to feel good about what you’re doing. The process of exploring these issues inevitably leads to greater clarity around your relationship to money and your life’s purpose. In doing so, people often find that they are able to better express their own individuality and humanity, that their perspective of themselves and their lives expands and that their relationships become deeper and stronger. By adopting a “Power of the AND” mindset, we can pursue and succeed at ambitious goals while enjoying a life of joy and purpose. 

Affluence Intelligence: Earn More, Worry Less, and Live a Happy and Balanced Life: Amazon Link

ES & the Power of AND

Emily Scott references this idea as being one of the core beliefs that drives her work and passion. She doesn’t believe that her clients have to choose between honoring and promoting their values and beliefs OR capitalizing on their investments. By framing the process of prosperity exploration and planning around the Power of AND, clients are able to tell a powerful story about who they are and what they believe in through their financial means. This lays the foundation for gaining greater insight into their hearts and experiencing an inspiration surrounding the possibilities of life. Using The Power of AND, Emily helps her clients gain clarity and comfort.

Come to the Conversation Curious: An Interview With Emily Scott

Originally published in The Giving List, Nov. 2021.

By Dan Schiffrin

Emily leading children through the fields in India while volunteering with the nonprofit, Landesa. Photo by Fran Mecker.

“Come to the conversation curious.”

If Emily Scott has a mantra, this is it. No matter what she is doing, the San Francisco-based philanthropist and financial advisor leans into the wisdom of curiosity and growth. Whenever she is faced with a thorny problem, or even an exciting opportunity, she digs into her toolkit of inquiry to figure out what to do next. 

“Ask questions. Ask more questions. Challenge yourself and your perceptions,” Scott says. 

Scott, who has served on the boards of KQED, the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, and Fostering Media Connections, inhabits a unique place in the Bay Area’s nonprofit ecosystem. A former Wall Street executive, she shifted her priorities to philanthropy during her marriage to Charles Schwab CEO David Pottruck. 

From 1994 to 2014, she was president of the Pottruck Family Foundation, whose mission was to improve the lives of disadvantaged youth and to support volunteer-driven organizations in the Bay Area. After the marriage ended, she began a financial consulting firm — Emily Scott AND — designed to help families with means gain clarity about the “story” of their money. What stories, for instance, did their giving choices tell? And how could they align their personal, financial, and philanthropic journeys?

Scott’s latest major philanthropic endeavor is her support of the Courage Museum – a major project of the San Francisco-based Futures Without Violence. The museum, which will open in 2022, is “designed to build a world in which violence is not an inevitable condition of the human experience,” according to the initiative’s website. 

“The cause speaks to my soul,” Scott says. “And the name is perfect, the Courage Museum, courage in the face of violence.”

Below, Emily Scott shares her roadmap for living an effective, authentic, and productive life as a philanthropist, no matter your level of giving.

Follow Your Curiosity

It seems simple enough, but there are roadblocks aplenty for busy people looking to learn and grow. “So many things stop people from following their curiosity,” Scott says. “People are very busy, they have multiple projects, and frankly, they can get tired of being asked for money. All that can contribute to a kind of shutting down.”

Part of engaging one’s curiosity is staying humble, and assuming there is much to learn, even in a field — or an organization — that one knows well. “I always try to entertain the notion that I don’t know what I don’t know, and there might be something new to learn at each and every event I attend.”

As part of her turbo-charged bias toward curiosity, Scott developed a focus of inquiry for each of the last three decades, what she called “Decade Dares.” At 40, she got on a bike for the first time in years to raise money for the San Francisco-to-Los Angeles AIDS ride. At 50, a growing interest in animals led her to write the book Tails of Devotion, A Look at the Bond Between People and Their Pets; she sold 10,000 copies, and gave all the proceeds to animal welfare groups. At 60 she walked the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route in Spain, during which she raised money for racial justice initiatives in the United States.

Do What You Can

In 2011, in response to the unprecedented scale of wartime rapes in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Nobel Prize Winner Dr. Denis Mukwege co-founded a sanctuary for women with playwright Eve Ensler (now known as V) and Christine Schuler Deschryver. Already a board member of Ensler’s nonprofit, V-Day, not only did Scott visit the sanctuary, called City of Joy, but funded it herself and encouraged her peers to join her. 

During her visit, Scott had to push through her own trauma related to sexual violence, and go “far outside my comfort zone,” she says. The Congolese girls and women being treated for trauma, along with the Congolese women who run the program, inspired her to do everything she could to help. As she was told by one of the staff, who saw many well-meaning Westerners come and go: “Do not come here and do nothing.”

Scott did as much as she could, including delivering a Tedx Talk in Sonoma bringing awareness to the issue. And yet, she felt she had bitten off more than she could chew. 

“After the second visit to City of Joy, I felt utterly depleted and overwhelmed,” Scott says with characteristic honesty. “And I realized that if I wanted to help, I needed to find a balanced way of doing so. I can’t help others accomplish their goals if my energy level is zero.”

“I had to do something, but not everything,” Scott says.

She now tries to apply this lesson to everyday giving, both for herself and for those she advises. 

“All too often the world of philanthropy can be very judgmental. We might feel, or be told, that we’re not doing the right kind of investing, or not dealing enough with the root causes of a problem,” Scott says. “But not everyone can be in the deep end of the [philanthropic] pool, at least not all the time, and not with all the issues. My hope is that we can all at least get in the pool, and swim wherever we can. We should feel good about helping feed people on a Saturday morning, say, even if that’s not changing the root cause of food insecurity.”

Her advice to others? “Do whatever you can. When possible, do more.”

Partnership is Paramount

For Scott, partnership is both a strategic necessity, and a way of staying inspired and energized. How does she know when a partnership is working personally? “When I’m with them, I feel more creative, smarter, and ultimately more philanthropic,” she says. “I go right into a place of abundance.”

Scott has found that partnerships accelerate learning, and save time for funders as well as nonprofit leaders. An example is the Park City Community Foundation in Utah, which Scott helped create, and on whose board she served as Vice Chairperson. “We kept discovering that it’s really hard to be an executive of a community organization and not have true mentorship, or space to dialogue with other executive directors,” Scott says. “We were able to create avenues for that through the foundation. And because of that, I understood better the role that a funder can play.”

Another example is Scott’s immersion in The Philanthropy Workshop, a global network of leaders designed to help funders learn, grow, and partner as strategically as possible. As part of her year of study, she worked with other fellows to develop a new approach to increase the number of former foster youth pursuing a college degree. This led to the California College Pathways Initiative, a public-private program supporting foster students.

Her work with the Pottruck Family Foundation led her to another insight – that nonprofits spend an inordinate amount of time applying for one-year grants. 

“We and other funders began to move to more multi-year grants,” Scott says. This, Scott says, allowed nonprofits to “feel more secure in their existence, and not just need to fundraise just to stay alive.”

And yet, it’s easy for funders to believe that their partnerships with organizations are fully equal. Through one of her foundations, Scott had a bracing conversation with a nonprofit leader who reminded her that “we can take away our check anytime. That honesty changed my appreciation of how we communicate and partner with nonprofits.”

The Brilliance of the AND

It’s no coincidence that Scott’s financial navigation business is called Emily Scott AND. 

“I was a convert when I first heard business guru Jim Collins talk about the brilliance of the AND vs. the tyranny of the OR,” Scott says.

In her consulting work, Scott uses the AND to help people connect the heart and the head. Figuring out how to give, she says, is a combination of data and emotion. 

“For philanthropists, this can mean holding multiple truths,” she says. “One truth can be that scarcity exists in the world, and the other truth can be that you live comfortably. It’s okay for both things to be true at the same time.”

The AND also creates space to dig deeply into another person’s distinct – even contradictory – experience, while still holding onto your values and mission. 

“There is a lot of maturity involved in hearing another’s perspective, and finding ways to build on it, as opposed to always pushing back on it,” Scott says. When a funder can listen and lead at the same time, “that’s when transformation can happen.

Former foster children fight for lifeline at CCSF (sfgate.com 9/27/14)

Originally published on sfgate.com.

By Nanette Asimov

Carida Ward, 27, formerly in foster care, helps daughter Leilani, 5, lace her shoes to get her ready for school.

Few people make it to college after growing up like Carida Ward, whose mother sold her at age 8 to a pedophile she didn’t escape from for five years. Or like Tiffany Brown, who was put in a lockdown facility as punishment for running away from home.

But the two are excelling at City College of San Francisco because of a program that has helped hundreds of former foster children on campus for seven years — and which is now in crisis itself as college officials alienate private funders, fail to provide timely services, and treat some students with surliness. Until recently, the Guardian Scholars at City College was reknowned for its warm approach to vulnerable students.

Elizabeth Coria, Dean of Financial Aid Programs at City College: “The (Guardian Scholars) program is not falling apart. We’re trying to fix it.”

Guardian Scholars Carida Ward, 27, left, and Tiffany Brown, 22, speak about issues they have had recently with the Guardian Scholars program.

Now it’s out of money because no one followed up with funders after its longtime coordinator left in June.

“The students here are suffering, and we’re not getting our needs met,” Ward told the student government Wednesday as she, Brown and others spoke on behalf of the 130 students in the program. They asked student leaders to join them in urging college officials to save the program.

Guardian Scholars is supposed to serve as a supportive family for college students who never had one of their own. Across the country, foster children wind up in prison more often than in college classrooms, research shows. The program aims to change that with academic counseling, vouchers for books and transportation, access to an emergency housing fund, and a coordinator who not only woos donors but lends a helpful ear to students in need. Similar programs exist on campuses across the state.

On Tuesday, City College students arrived at the Guardian Scholar office at the main campus on Phelan Avenue and found a sign saying it was closed until November. Students demanded to know why. So did funders, and the doors were reopened within hours.

Carida Ward (center) laughs as son Monzell McDuffie, 9 (left), presents the wrong hand for a handshake with Emily Scott Pottruck, a Guardian Scholars funder, after an emotional Student Council meeting.

'Trying to fix it’

College officials called it a mistake. “At this point, City College is committed to trying to fund the program,” said Elizabeth Coria, dean of financial aid and student success programs. “The program is not falling apart. We’re trying to fix it.”

Ward, 27, and Brown, 22, became alarmed over the summer when students were assured that an academic counselor would be available to advise them — but no one showed up. This fall, more than 60 Guardian Scholars arrived at the bookstore and were told their vouchers had expired.

“Nobody told us about the deadline,” Brown said. “As you can see, there’s no communication.”

The vouchers had also been sliced in half, to $100 from $200.

Transportation vouchers — which many Guardian Scholars depend on to get to and from school — arrived three weeks late.

The Guardian Scholars also blocked Ward’s access to emergency housing money this month after she and her 5-year-old daughter, who had been couch-surfing, became homeless. Ward said the program’s new coordinator at first told her — within earshot of other students — that she didn’t qualify because she had received help twice in the past. The coordinator then said that at 27, Ward was too old for help, she said.

Ward promptly called Coria, the woman’s supervisor, to complain.

“Not once did I hear, 'Carida, don’t worry. Focus on school. You graduate next semester, and you’ve come so far,’” Carida said, her voice breaking with emotion.

The current troubles began in June, after the program’s longtime coordinator, Michael McPartlin, quit in frustration. He had always known where to find funding or emergency housing for a student in trouble. Students adored him. So did funders, who gave hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years. No Guardian Scholar was denied services even if they were in their late 20s; McPartlin knew that foster children often take a long time to get to college. More than 100 Guardian Scholars have completed City College, with 60 transferring to a university. Of those, 30 have completed their degrees, and a few have taken a master’s.

Student trustee and Guardian Scholar Shanell Williams, 30 (left), speaks passionately about the mismanage ment of the program.

Coordinator frustrated

McPartlin, 55, said his frustrations began long before he stepped down at the end of the spring semester, and that he had to wrestle with college officials to ensure that the funds he brought in for the Guardian Scholars would not be used for other purposes.

In his farewell letter, McPartlin said many of the conditions that threaten City College with the loss of accreditation persist even two years after that crisis began.

“I have determined that it is no longer tenable for me to remain at this college doing the work I love,” he wrote. “Grants have been lost or put at serious risk by the actions of others, random accusations made without substance, and the usual institutional 'gang culture’ predominates.”

Since McPartlin’s departure, first one new coordinator came, then another. Meanwhile, City College officials have had more on their minds than the Guardian Scholars. As McPartlin was leaving, the accrediting commission was meeting to decide whether to let City College avoid closure while continuing to work on complying with standards. (A final decision comes in January.)

But even as City College’s new administrators argued that they run the college better than previous leaders, the Guardian Scholars was falling through the cracks.

The program has just $12,339 left, but can’t spend the money because it’s left over from last year and requires permission from foundations to be used in ways other than originally specified.

Foundation officials say it’s up to the college to approach them and prove the money is in good hands. Several funders said that hasn’t happened, and that City College has been lukewarm in its approach and has missed opportunities to meet.

“Where is the sense of urgency? When we are desperate to get that check, none of us sits around and twiddles our thumbs and waits for the phone to ring,” said Emily Scott Pottruck, a longtime funder who is so concerned that she showed up at the student government meeting to listen as Ward, Brown and others explained the problems.

Over $280,000

Other funders, who have given more than $280,000 to the program in recent years, agreed. The new developments have them worried.

“I’m concerned that with Michael McPartlin’s departure, that services might be watered down. I would need to be assured that the program would not be changing,” said one foundation official who asked not to be identified. She and others expressed particular concern that Ward’s request for emergency housing was rejected.

Coria and other college officials have now met repeatedly with students and said they want to make the program work. They said they approached the John Burton Foundation and received an additional $500 in book vouchers for each Guardian Scholar. Students said they had no idea, and officials acknowledged that communication must improve.

Finances in flux

Finances also remain in flux. With no new grant applications pending and no access to the $12,000, college officials say they will rely on the $16,000 in student fees provided by the student government each semester. But the government is operating in the red and has money troubles of its own.

“City College is committed to supporting the program until we go out there and get the donors,” Coria said. “Right now, we need to make sure the students have housing and transportation. There’s no way we’ll let it go down.”

And Ward will get emergency housing, Coria said.

“That’s a relief,” Ward said. “But I’ll still be advocating for myself and my classmates.”

Nanette Asimov is a San Francisco Chronicle staff writer. E-mail: asimov@sfchronicle.com 

Osbon Capital Management Guest Column, July 12, 2017

Originally published on Osboncapital.com.

To Give or Not To Give

Meet Emily Scott, guest writer this week. Emily is a humanist, writer, philanthropist and all-around great person to know. Emily and Steve Gang of Resonance are engaged in our latest Osbon Capital project. 

When asked what one of the bigger personal challenges a philanthropist faces, the answer often is “saying no when asked for funding, board participation, or a time commitment.”  At The Philanthropy Workshop, where I am an alumna, we refer to this as the investment of our time, treasure, and talent.

I wrestled – and still do – with the donation question, especially when a friend is making the request.  I have made huge mistakes, have had unrealistic expectations, and have learned some of the lessons the hard way.  When I was President of our family foundation, the very first thing our new Executive Director said to me was, “I am here to say “no” for you so you don’t have to,” which provided instant relief for me, and some degree of job security for her!

As one would expect, there are multiple ways to decline a contribution request.

Here are a few insights of some wise, caring, thoughtful philanthropists:

• “I have an allocation portfolio for my charitable giving.  Whenever a friend or family member asks for a donation to something which isn’t in my portfolio, I always give a little as I want to be supportive.  Due to my funding constraints, I rarely give the full amount that is asked.  I include an explanation, such as, “You are very important to me and I respect that this cause is important to you.  I appreciate that you believe this is a worthwhile organization and I trust you. While it is not my passion, I want to be supportive of your efforts.  I have money set aside for just this reason. I cannot give you the full amount as I want to be there for others in similar situations.  Thank you for asking me to contribute.”

• “I now say, ‘I’d love to, but I can’t.’  It has the virtue of being true, being respectful, honoring the request, and setting a good boundary. I have found that it is as much a gift to the asker — whether it be a development person, a friend, a board member — to be clear and not squishy.  This is hard.  Some of us need to please, and this helps no one, least of all ourselves.”

• “The donation ask is the hardest for me because we all have plenty of resources.  I have sort of a baseline contribution I will make in honor of friends.  Beyond that, when asked for something that takes me off task, I’ll generally use language such as ‘We’re fully committed’ or ‘We’re stretched pretty thin’ or ‘I can’t take this on, but I wish you the best of luck.’”

• “I always try to remember and start with the dubiously attributed Mark Twain quote: ‘If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.’”

• “We set aside a very small proportion of funds to accommodate unexpected requests to support ‘friends and furies.’ Since we set the rules for this process, we can always bend them, but this structure makes it easier for us to decline a request using language like ‘we are committed for this year, but tell me more so we can consider this for next year…’”

• “I have 3 categories for my philanthropy and the third category is friends and family.  This category consumes 5-10% of my overall giving.  We lay out the budget in January and track against it so I can’t give if we are fully committed.  If a really good friend asks for $10, I give $2.  I used to fret about saying no but I’ve found that, while they may be disappointed, the friendships endure if you are authentic and responsive.”

In his book, Essentialism, The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown writes, “Remember that a clear “no” can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal “yes.” He adds, “Being vague is not the same as being graceful, and delaying the eventual “no” will only make it that much harder – and the recipient that much more resentful.”

A note to acknowledge the other side – the ask.  Given my extensive list of passions, I could easily ask my network for a donation to a different organization every day of the year.  I have vetted each nonprofit and know that they are of value to the area of need in which they operate.  When I was told “no,” I used to think “how can you possibly say no, don’t you care about ___?”  It took me a long time to recognize that my passion is MY passion and simply may not resonate with others.  Combine that with financial constraints, donation fatigue, etc. I now have more compassion and appreciation for those who decline my request.

Hopefully, I never get used to saying “no.”  Supporting the people in my life is one of my core principles.  My showing up with curiosity, authenticity, empathy, mindful intention, and gratitude needs to be consistent.  It is what I want when the roles are reversed.

I do know that I would rather hear “no” then hear nothing.  Silence is not always golden.

Osbon Capital Management Newsletter, March 8, 2017

You Can't Take Your Mansion to the Store to Buy a Loaf of Bread (more.com/Sept 2014)

Simmons College Magazine, Fall 2014 issue, featuring Emily Scott

Wealth Psychology Interview with Emily Bouchard

4 Segments:

1. Choosing a wealth manager, understanding your needs and wants

2. Couples interaction re. financial decisions (starts at 13:45)

3. Philanthropic pursuits and impact, International/Domestic philanthropy, Going outside your comfort zone (starts at 28:47)

4.  Philanthropy and Suggestions for how to become passionate and intention in your philanthropic endeavors (starts at 51:45)

wealth psychology interview with Emily Scott and Deb Wetherby