We often think of finances as a calculative and dry subject. We believe that the cold numbers will lead us to an objectively correct way to spend our money. However, life is full of unexpected and difficult choices and sometimes there isn’t a purely data-driven answer available.
In these times you need to examine factors like your mental state, your money story, future goals, and personal relationships to figure out what is right for you. I’ve covered 14 situations of times that disrupt our emotions and make it the most challenging to make a smart decision.
Money is a hard thing to talk about. It fits right in between being honest with your doctor and discussing a “newly renovated” nursing home with your mother-in-law. In fact, we’re taught from an early age to avoid talking about money. Even straightforward subjects like salary and savings are hindered by a layer of taboo. So, imagine the herculean difficulty of trying to talk about any emotional aspects of the subject.
Your legacy is a statement of who you are, how you want to be described, your perspective, values, and principles, AND your consideration of others after you are gone. When you don't have obvious heirs, you get to ideate about how your relationship with money can apply to the various people and organizations that have played a role in your life events and transitions. You have the opportunity to envision the manifestation of your goals and dreams and of those important to you, and how you can contribute to making those visions come true.
"I have never heard a person speak with such vulnerability at a business conference as you just were." Really? Moi? My presentation at a national conference of financial and philanthropic professionals carried the title, "What Was and What Will Be: A Client in Transition." I presented case studies, mine included, to illustrate the best and worst practices of advisors' vis-a-vis the retention of clients. The audience learned that while some professionals recognized I was as much of their client as my then-husband, others dismissed me as "the wife of the client." The retelling of my experiences brought audible gasps from the audience. My frame of reference was, "I'm here to tell these people what it is like on the client-side of the table," and if I was going to share those stories, I need to tell the truth — you couldn't make up some of these experiences.
For many people, when the pandemic and shelter in place dramatically changed our personal and professional lives, their general anxieties about financial security shot to the sky. As someone who has "bag lady syndrome," I was surprised that I didn't crawl under my bed and assume a fetal position. The hypothetical scenario of the world coming to an end was something I imagined for years. But I didn't hide, and I will circle back to why in a few paragraphs.
The reality is that no one can predict when the economy will rebound, and very few, if any, are suggesting anytime soon. For now, people will, understandably so, continue to be worried about their financial future.
On March 17, 2020, shortly after shelter-in-place was mandated in San Francisco, I wanted to post, on the Power of And facebook page, a daily message about community compassion, self compassion, and something that spoke to the ways people were trying to use their humanity for good. On Day 16, we were told that shelter-in-place would extend at least 5 more weeks. With that news, I wanted to highlight our need for self-compassion and love. Here is that post:
Day 16 #CommunityCompassion...the news has been difficult on many levels and the bright spots, while bright, are sometimes hard to see in all the darkness. While being of service to others, try to be of service to yourself and practice some self-compassion and self-love...a favorite poem:
Impartiality is a hot topic in the press these days. The issue of neutrality led me to wonder if we are fair with ourselves. Are we open to new ideas, facts, lessons learned, or are we just critical with our life choices? I posed these questions to my clients as we reviewed their 2019 year-end financial picture and discussed 2020 goals. I, too, need to answer these questions for the same reasons and for the same periods. What follows is some guidance on how you can create your new year/new decade in ways that make sense for your financial goals, while appreciating your life values, principles, money narrative, and thought process.
November is the month where we are especially thankful for our bounty, in whatever form it takes. I am grateful for this year’s opportunities for growth, challenge, learning, and listening. In the spirit of the season, I offer you fodder for your nourishment.
Perspective Can Take You Anywhere
We are all in some life transition – either by choice or thrust upon us. It can be hard to appreciate what we know when changes are cascading over us. Put your knowledge in perspective by viewing learning and growth as the contents of three different buckets.
I want to open with a personal story: I learned I have a hearing impairment (and tinnitus) at age 48. For years, I have had to pay closer attention to what people were saying and I increasingly asked questions to add clarity and context to conversations. Between you and me, my hearing “auto-correct” is often hilarious, and nowhere near what the person said!
Taken out of context, hearing "there is no such thing as too much information," might sound unfortunate. Let me elaborate, and fast. When I consult with financial or philanthropic clients, I often start with the question, "What is your story?" followed by "There is no such thing as TMI." We are taught to self-censor, to keep it short, and I want the exact opposite to happen.
Winter Solstice and its message of reflection and renewal ended today. I posted each day for the 4 days…what follows is the collection of the 4 brief essays:
According to Forever Conscious, “The winter solstice celebrates the longest hours of darkness or the rebirth of the sun and is believed to hold powerful energy for regeneration, renewal, and self-reflection…
The winter solstice is a time of quiet energy, where you get the opportunity to look within yourself and focus on what you want and need. It’s a time to set goals and intentions for the coming year, to examine and let go of our past, and to make changes within ourselves. The solstice is essentially tied to personal awakening.
Last month, I traveled to El Paso (Texas) and Juarez (Mexico) to bear witness to the humanitarian crisis that continues to unfold and to volunteer with respite centers helping the migrants. Here is my first report — “Aren’t You Seeking a Better Life?”
In full disclosure, I lead 2 lives — distinct from each other. I have that luxury. And it is, indeed, a luxury to have these 2 concurrent lives.
Last month, the difference in these 2 worlds was glaring.
Last month, I traveled to El Paso (Texas) and Juarez (Mexico) to bear witness to the humanitarian crisis that continues to unfold and to volunteer with respite centers helping the migrants and asylum seekers.
When we hear of a child in a juvenile detention center, we wonder what was their crime — what did he/she do to be placed in detention? Right now, there are nearly 14,000 children in detention centers and shelters throughout this nation for crimes they did not commit. Either the children came to the United States with their parents who are legally seeking asylum and refuge from their homeland (which is not a crime) or were sent here for safety by loving and fearful parents. They did nothing wrong. Nor did their parents.