PODCASTS
Exploring the Emotional and Philanthropic Side of Money with Emily Scott, Emily Scott AND
Emily shares deeply about her experience with a tumultuous childhood filled with mixed messages about money to overcoming patriarchal challenges on Wall Street. Despite the struggles and setbacks, she acknowledges that all of those experiences allowed her to be the woman she is today.
Through it all, she found that philanthropy and volunteerism were always what truly spoke to her soul — regardless of financial gain. Now, Emily helps guide people through the emotional stories we create around money to help them understand their own finances and money stories more deeply.
This episode also honors Emily's remarkable leadership and the subtle yet profound impacts she makes by sharing her wealth with others. Don't miss out on this heartfelt conversation packed with lessons on self-advocacy, understanding money stories, and creating a legacy driven by purpose and generosity.
From host Syama Bunten:
I am thrilled to bring the amazing Emily Scott back on the podcast, this time in the interview hot seat, to tell us about her money story and give us a vulnerable look into who she is as a person.
Emily shares deeply about her experience with a tumultuous childhood filled with mixed messages about money to overcoming patriarchal challenges on Wall Street. Despite the struggles and setbacks, she acknowledges that all of those experiences allowed her to be the woman she is today.
Through it all, she found that philanthropy and volunteerism were always what truly spoke to her soul — regardless of financial gain. Now, Emily helps guide people through the emotional stories we create around money to help them understand their own finances and money stories more deeply.
This episode also honors Emily's remarkable leadership and the subtle yet profound impacts she makes by sharing her wealth with others. Don't miss out on this heartfelt conversation packed with lessons on self-advocacy, understanding money stories, and creating a legacy driven by purpose and generosity.
Key Topics:
A childhood full of mixed messages around money
Navigating insecurities and lacking a sense of self at a young age
Learning tough lessons in order to reap the rewards years later
Early career moves on Wall Street after leaving retail
Learning positive lessons from negative experiences
Seeking security in money and careers
How therapy helped guide Emily through trauma and career decisions
The opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty; it’s self-trust
Playing the role of the “good corporate wife”
When you align money with your values, it gives you peace of mind and clarity
Shifting from writing $100 checks to $100,000 checks
Determining for yourself what’s a no and communicating those boundaries with empathy
The difference between how men and women are conditioned to discuss money
Shifting from fighting for others to fighting for herself
Diving into the emotional side of money
Checking in with your values
Creating avenues of safety for people to talk about money
Connect with Emily online:
Website: https://emilyscottand.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilyscottand/
Instagram: @emilyscottand
TED Talk: https://emilyscottand.com/ted-talk
Find more from Syama Bunten:
Instagram: @syama.co, @gettingrichpod
Website: https://scalingretail.com/, https://syamabunten.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/scalingretailconsulting
Transcript
Episode 18 - Emily Scott
[00:00:00] Welcome to Getting Rich Together, the show for successful women who are looking to take their financial futures to the next level. I'm your host, Shama Bunton. When I started my wealth building journey, nobody knocked on my door to give me all the answers. So I want to talk to the experts who've done it and bring the answers to you so we can discover the right opportunities that will help us achieve the financial futures we've always dreamed of together and have fun doing it.
So let's dive into this episode and start getting rich. getting rich together.
In today's episode, I am joined by Emily Scott of Emily Scott and Emily Scott built a career in marketing and later turned her attention to building out and helping other people align their money stories and their money intentions with their life [00:01:00] purpose. And with today's conversation, Emily is going to walk us through not only her own unique life and how she navigated.
decisions throughout her life, but also how she thinks about the power of narrative and storytelling as it comes to developing and creating our own financial future. I hope you enjoyed today's episode, Emily Scott, you are a divine spirit who has dedicated her life now to supporting incredible humans.
Women in understanding who they are on this planet through the lens of one of the most important things that we use on this planet, which is money. It is not an easy subject to broach at the such intimate levels in which you approach it. And how you guide people through this process. I'm so incredibly honored to have you here today on getting rich together.
Thank you for being here. Thank you. I think you're going to make me speechless more times. In this conversation than [00:02:00] anybody ever has, so you will be yet again in the Guinness Book of World Records for something else, because I'm sure you're already there, Shalma. Thank you. That was very gracious and beautiful.
Well, you are a divine spirit, and sometimes it takes us some years to tap into that beautiful spirit. I know it did for me. And, you know, the innocence of our youth. How we see the world around us, the women we become, how we do impact in the world. But it does start with this innocence of our youth. And it starts with the stories of how we see things, experience things in the world.
Emily, can you take us back to a young girl? What was life like for you? What were you seeing and hearing? What were some of the early money stories around you? Yes, and I will say it took me longer than most and I'm thrilled that I finally got there. They are of understanding all of this. And the story really for me, Shama, [00:03:00] that didn't really come to light in fruition until I started doing my own work in my late forties.
So sharing what the story was like growing up, I will say, had you asked me this less than 20 years ago, I don't know, or more than 20 years ago, I don't know if I could have answered it. So there's very mixed messages. It's about money growing up, but very mixed messages about everything. Now, this is dysfunctional is not the appropriate word, although yes, of course, childhood was dysfunctional, confusing and confusing me morphs into fear and insecurity and anxiety.
So when you take that and you then layer it on something like money, which In my generation, as many generations, we don't talk about money per se. Takes another life of its own, right? Which makes it even more complicated and more scary. And if that makes sense, does that make sense? Absolutely. [00:04:00] So did you, did your parents ever talk about money when you were younger?
No, here's what I, here's the, the, the, um, Implicit messages. So my father was an immigrant and he started a company and my mother wanted him to be successful, not to make him successful, but her money and security. Which is, of course, what I, what I figured out at some point. We never got the message of, uh, that it was bad.
That Daddy was working. What we got was, Daddy's not home for dinner because Daddy's working to put food on our table and clothes on our back and we can be in this house and we can go to nice schools. And so that was very much of an implicit message. And he would come home with little things to, and I would watch my mother who would say this, but she was so stressed out and anxious about him [00:05:00] not being there.
Then he would come home with like a flower or a box of chocolate and I would watch her change. So, from a very early standpoint, what I learned was. Mommy will be happy if she gets gifts. Everything will be better if gifts are exchanged. I have one memory of them fighting. They got divorced when I was six.
My father left my mother for another woman and things got very. Very tough in the house. It was the sixties. They, the divorce laws and regulations were very dramatically different then. I remember one, one interaction with them and my father was yelling at my mother for spending money. And my mother was complaining to my father that she didn't like the ring he bought her.
That was the fight. Very shortly after this experience, I went with her to Bloomingdale's, and they took her credit card away because she was no longer Mrs. Peter Scott. Oh, my gosh. I know, crazy, right? [00:06:00] Wow. So, What I learned, and at the same time, this is when my mother started telling me, when we were around 7, 8 years old, you must be independent, you must have your own money, you must be able to take care of yourself, you can't depend on anybody else.
To put all that together, it became very confusing, because I wanted to go, but mommy, you're shopping all the time, and we don't need that. And so where is that, where is that connection? And at the same time. I was seeing my father 24 hour visitation rights every week, and he lived in a now one bedroom apartment.
I learned later that he was busy buying a big house with my soon to be stepmother. But my thought was, Daddy's not okay anymore. I have to protect Daddy and Mommy. So he wanted, I literally, Shama was thinking about this, he wanted to raise my allowance from 25 cents to 35 cents, and I said, No. And I know inside of me, I thought, [00:07:00] Daddy's going to be really poor if I get an extra 10 cents a week.
So all of these, and this is the work that I do, these messages that just get thrown onto this little brain that is forming and this, this internal system that was already anxious and confused. And fearful and, and who talked about this totally, I mean, it's also just so incredible as young people, how we will often try to save our parents and it's, it cheats us of this innocence of being able to be free and focus on joy and, and happiness.
I mean, to, to think that. You know, that 10 cents would make the difference and you as this innocent young girl could save, save your parents through that is, is also something that I hope is, [00:08:00] is, or wasn't lost on them. Because there is this sort of forced adulting that happens and it's, it's unfair and actually it makes me, it makes me mad.
It makes me mad to hear you say that. It was completely lost on them, but that was. You know, their parenting was not, was anything like that. Now, again, as I say, it gets more complex. We were upper middle class. We lived in a nice section of town and my two closest girlfriends, their houses weren't as big.
They didn't go out to eat as often as we did. So while I was having these messages of. Scarcity. Clearly, I was in an abundant situation, but that wasn't brought out. Yes, you know, I feel as you're sharing your story, I can't help but just start to see that this magical body of work that you've dedicated yourself to and, and how you're able [00:09:00] to just really help other people see how confusing It is when you're young and you're being told one thing, but you're experiencing something else.
You know, how do you make sense of that? And especially because you have no control over your environment as a young person. You're not, you have no control over the budget. You have no control over going out to eat or not. And, and yet you're at the mercy of our parents. Is it often? Parents are not the most self evolved, though they happen to be older than us, you know, it's kind of a funny, a funny situation to be in.
So, Emily, take me through, you know, what it was like for you then during your high school years. You know, were you, you know, were you hearing these messages around, money and saying, okay, I need to go get a job or I'm going to focus on my studies because I need to get into a great college. You know, did you have any fabulously steamy relationships?
You know, what was, what was high [00:10:00] school like for you as you were sort of growing up? And I feel like high school is one of those places where all of a sudden. What you wear really matters, you know, what you do matters, like what your summers are like matters. So how did you start to think about your life through those early adult years?
Yeah, to this day, I think of the cutest girl in school who wore the same clothes I wore. I looked like I was about to join the football team and she looked cute and adorable, you know, so. And this is the 70s Shama, right? So, Twiggy, we all wanted to be Twiggy. And I was not Twiggy. So I learned early on to be incredibly insecure.
It started with, with body issues and my mother and I were always on diets. It started with, uh, I switched from public school to private school, and this private school had just opened to allow [00:11:00] females, and it was quite a rich school, and that was dramatically different from public school that I went to.
I remember driving up when I finally got a car, and there were all these brand new, European import, import cars. And my car looked like the teacher's cause the teachers of the school didn't have the wealth that the kids had and that arrogant behavior that so many of these kids had to teachers. And I, again, I was raised where, you know, teachers, doctors, policemen, firemen, like you bow down to all of them.
So the money stories then started kicking in. So suddenly I don't feel attractive. I'm anxious about not being smart because now I'm in private school and there's more that's expected. I wanted to be in theater. The head of the theater department, I think, took one look at me and decided he didn't like me or we had a past life together that [00:12:00] just did not work out well for him.
So, the message is, I did not know who I was. I think that's the, that is the overarching thing. I had no idea who I was and I was trying to fit in. It was crazy. And in fact, I met somebody three years ago when I just, so it was my 47 year post graduating high school. And I said to him, he and I were in class together and I said, you know, I had no idea who I was like, I had no idea what group I belonged to.
And he said, what are you talking about? You belonged everywhere. Like you were part of every group. This was not my experience. My internal experience in any way, shape, or form. So what I learned was you better do enough to make sure that you can go to the next step. But I didn't have drive. I didn't have the internal confidence to say, Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, go for that grass ring.[00:13:00]
Go for the gold ring. Go for it. You can do it. I just operated under the radar. You know, it's hard to, it's, it's hard to, while I can hold the emotional empathy and see an experience you knew as this young woman, I also feel like I know you today and this like bold. Beautiful, divinely feminine, supercharged space.
And so it's so incredible to hear the things that we have had to go through in order to be where we are today. And in order to be able to share and, and create the impact because Emily, without those life experiences, who you are today would, would have been substantially different. And so, yeah, a hundred percent.
Yeah. And what I say now is. The role of Emily Scott is finally being played by Emily Scott. And when I say glory, I mean finally. Like, it took me a really, really long time. And maybe that's what I had to do in [00:14:00] this lifetime. Maybe this journey, Shama, that it just had to be ridiculously too long. And now I'm reaping the, the reward benefit and the rewards from it.
I have to say also in full disclosure, what I learned at 48 was that I have had here in Los Angeles, my entire life, and I had no idea. So when you go down, when you go back into your journey with that knowledge, There's a lot of things that start really making sense. Like I do remember being in first grade.
freaking out because I couldn't, I thought the teacher was talking gibberish and that's not what I learned. And I watched all these little kids nodding and I thought, oh my gosh, I was taught the wrong language. So I already felt like a freak. Now it turns out that it was my hearing loss. I was in the back of the room and I couldn't understand her.
Who knew then? So I, I do need to put that caveat in that there is a, uh, Physical [00:15:00] manifestation. So anybody who's feeling like a freak on take, go get some stuff checked out. It's a good fight. So Emily, you obviously like knew enough or had drive enough or the next step enough, you know, emerge to go get a beer.
business degree. So, so, so for someone who's, you know, let's say, young, young adult, insecure, confused, you're still making incredible progress, right? You're entering into university, you're studying all the, all the right things you needed to, what sort of informed your decision? to study business. And, and how did you, of all the things that Emily Scott could have done and been and learned about, what appealed to you and how did you make those first steps into doing business?
So going back to that, one of the very first messages, right? Be independent. Don't depend on anyone else. You know, I had my first checking book at 13. And I learned how to [00:16:00] balance my checkbook. And so this to me was all very businesslike, right? I mean, honestly, Shama, I was 32 years old. I remember this.
Where my best friend was not monthly reconciling her, her checking account. I'm like, how does that, how do you do that? Like you could spend 25 in, in overdraft fees, like, Oh my God. So this was very much part of the whole business thing, right? You're going to go, you're going to make money. You're going to pay your rent, your utilities.
You're going to handle your life. Right now, you and I both were in retail and started at a retail and. That in 1978 was a great place for a woman to get a career, learn business skills, learn everything is really, I mean, as you have talked about it, it's learning how to run a business, you know, and I thought it was great.
And then I knew I wanted to make money and I wanted to go to wall street and I wanted to make money in order to do that. I had to go get my MBA, I had to exit [00:17:00] industries. To re enter as a different human. What was that like? How was it like to exit? and re enter. Were you scared? Was it, did you, were you very clear about it?
How much thought went into, you know, this step, then the next step? And I want to be in Wall Street and I want to have this particular role. Yeah. So I grew up outside of media work. And so, you know, Wall Street was pretty present in, in my environment, but, and I just thought, I'm going to take these concepts in retail, customer service, understanding your client, understanding your product, understanding your service, having a business model.
I'm going to take that. I'm going to apply it to Wall Street. And so that was very much a, you know, one foot in front of the other. And I knew that nobody was going to take me seriously because I was in retail. And in fact, one of my very first interviews with Wall Street, my second year, one of the larger [00:18:00] firms in New York, the recruiter said to me, Oh, you are in retail, so you must like to travel and like fashion.
And I said, well, actually I hate fashion and I'm sick of traveling, so no, but tell me. At the ripe old age of 21, what would your firm have done with me? Would you have given me 2000 feet of land of, of retail space to take care of? Would you have had me manage 27 people who were older than me? Would you have given me 4 million of inventory?
Would you have had me? Do a, a strategic plan for the next two years as a buyer. Would you have, I mean, I went through the whole list of what I did in two and a half years in the department store. I said, what would I have done for your firm? Would I have been a receptionist? Would I have been in the mail room?
Like, and he just looked at me, but it's the truth. Yeah, that is powerful. I, I really, that's when I got my chops. Oh yeah. Like. I [00:19:00] love the, like the, the spirit and the powerfulness around owning the narrative of your experience and being able to articulate that and, and shove it down someone's throat. You know, it's like a giant F you, because I think that when When people, you know, especially, you know, looking at someone's resume, trying to these days, resumes are portfolios of careers.
And we kind of experienced people in very different ways today, but it wasn't that long ago. I'd say even 10 years ago, where if you were in one industry and you wanted to make a switch, you It was very, very difficult because people would extremely underestimate not only who you are, but also the experiences that you've ascertained and how you might be an ad value.
So that's extremely impressive that you're able to self advocate. A hundred percent, Shama. And I will say now, when I talk to people in transition and ended through young, I mean, he just talked about this with, [00:20:00] Um, my new stepson was like, I don't want to know what you want to do for the rest of your life.
I want to know what you want to do in the next three years of your life. I mean, how on earth are you supposed to figure this out? And I will say that here's, what's interesting about that story. I talk a lot about, we have members of our committee. And we have different people, we have the wise woman, we have the kick ass, we have the little scared girl, we have the little fun girl, we have the, you know, go through, the athlete, everybody's gone through all committees.
That take no prisoner, assertive, confident member of my committee, at that moment in time, did not come out nearly enough. She was quieted by the, by the less than helpful, powerful, competent voices for too long. And it's one of the things that I learned. When I went through my money story in my late 40s to figure out what is going on here, that I finally figured it out.
And so far too often, [00:21:00] that confident Emily didn't trust herself enough to say, no, no, no, no. You, you get to, you get to advocate for yourself. You get to trust yourself. You get to own it. I just gave my power away too often, which at this point in my life, I'm fortunate that I did that. I'm fortunate on a lot of the bad, quote unquote, bad things, nightmarish things that's happened in my life, either that I caused or, or I was the recipient of.
Because had that not happened, I would never be able to do the work that I do now. Mm. Mm hmm. You know, right now, I want us to have. More ownership and more appreciation of the powerful emotions within us and fear, anxiety and lack of confidence are huge emotions that can just play havoc with us. I understand that on a personal level, way more than other people.
[00:22:00] Had I learned it in my coursework or in a case study, I'm my best, I am my best case study. I'm my best client. Yes, you are. And often, you know, I do this work because I, I understand from my own journey how powerful it is. Absolutely. So. You know, knowing that you were still coming into your voice early in your career, how were you on the scales of negotiating for yourself or your first few paychecks, you know, where, you know, New York is obviously very expensive.
So how, how was it for you? In these career building years, as you started to look at independence, finding your voice and obviously money, you know, either, was it investing money at this point? Was it, were you already so hip and wise to 401ks where, you know, what was going on in your mind with this financial freedom that you were starting to [00:23:00] experience as a young woman in the corporate world?
Yeah. I am sad to say that when I started and On Wall Street, I went the marketing route, as opposed to, um, sales and trading. So I went on the operational route, which, that was where you found a lot of women, there in an HR, right, at the time. And I was thrilled to get a bigger paycheck than I'd ever received.
Did I advocate for myself? Very little. Very, very little. And I'm mortified that I didn't. And I think it was, again, this, when I go back to the messaging of, You have to protect yourself. You have to be, you have to make sure you can take care of yourself. Well, the downside of that is, don't be risky. Right?
Don't push. If you push, somebody can push back and then you're stuck. This is, this was part of the messaging. Having said that, the other side of the coin is that I understood how to budget. [00:24:00] I understood that you have, you have X amount of money to spend and what does that look like? Mm hmm. And because I did want to do other things and I knew that this was not going to be my lifelong journey in Wall Street, I knew I had to save.
That was a big piece of it. So from that standpoint, there wasn't scarcity to me. There was a feeling of safety. And I think that's more, so, you know, you and I have talked about abundance and I keep on saying I laugh because the work that I do is very much around if I don't, didn't understand my money story and how it progressed and if I don't teach people their money story and how it progresses and how it impacts you on such a cellular level.
If somebody said to me, you have to be abundant, I would say, when I'm safe and secure, I'll be abundant. That's it. Like, and to me, that is the most practical, normal, like, of course. [00:25:00] Conversation you'd ever have, right? And so I didn't feel scarce. Do you didn't feel abundance? I just felt like I was managing.
I was doing the independent thing. I was good. Yeah. So, so how, tell me about these sort of, some of the bigger milestone markers in your life, you know, kind of moving through from wall street. Obviously moving into a number of other roles in which you were directly responsible, it feels like increasingly so, for allocation of resources and starting to think about money and values.
You know, I feel like these young early days of our careers, it's, Okay. I'm, I always feel like when we're 22, we feel like we're 35. And then when we're 40, we feel like we're 25. We're like, Hey, I'm, I'm going backwards now. But when I, when you're younger, you're like, I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders and I need to be this and do this and accomplish.
And, and then [00:26:00] life obviously changes. And so what were some of the the big through lines and moments that your life has been dotted by. Once you got over this sort of early stage career of, I need security with security, always a through line. Walk me through your life. Security was always, always the line.
Always, always, always, uh, and, and philanthropy. And at the time, because I wasn't making a lot, it was volunteerism. I always, that is the biggest gift. that my mother and father taught me was giving back and being philanthropic. Now they meant from a volunteer standpoint. I pushed, pushed it further. So here's where it gets fun.
So I'm on wall street, I'm in marketing and I'm like, there's no redeeming factor of being on wall street. There's not Zippo, not an Ichibo, which not making me happy camper. So I've got to go into the sales and trading area because that's where you're going to make money. I'm going to make money for two years [00:27:00] and then I'm getting the hell out of Dodge.
It was also the eighties. It was not a good time to be a woman in, in, in New York. In the 80s, so between the chauvinism of Wall Street and the violence of women, I did have some things happen to me, which again, helped shape me. Not that I wish violence against, against any woman, but it certainly did shape me and make a huge impact on my life, um, at some point for the better.
So I went into sales and trading and I, as I say, I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for reaching the Peter Principle long before anybody else should. I, I was such a bad traitor. Again, I don't remember a hearing loss. Can you imagine being on the phone with people screaming around you and having people scream over the counter, you know, MSNP?
And I'm like, I'm sorry, was that M as in mother or N as in Nancy? But, you know, at that point, the man on the phone did not say some [00:28:00] very pleasant things. I can't say that here on this podcast, but I learned how to curse with the best of, let me just say. I also learned this is about as anti relationship as it gets, and I am all about relationship.
That is one of the beauties of, of retail, is really the relationship side of it is what I always love. So then the crash of 87 happened, and I was a trader during the crash of 87. And so very soon after, I was at Merrill Lynch at the time, they started doing, uh, Uh, layoffs. And I realized this is the perfect opportunity for me to get out of Dodge.
So I had a therapist at the time. We worked for six months on how to get myself ready and where did I want to go and what was I going to do. So what I, and then one night I went out with the guys and I got drunk on purpose and said, your next round of labs, you should lay me off. I'm single. I have my MBA.
[00:29:00] I will figure it out. Wow. And also, can we just note here how wise you were to have a therapist? Like, so young to be able to help you navigate things. I mean, check the box on like, very smart thing you did as a young woman. So I had to. Because of the sexual violence that occurred. I was afraid of my own shadow.
I mean, all that did was bring everything to the, my fears and insecurity brought like full frontal. There was no, I had to, or I would have been in an insane asylum. The work that we did together was transformational. Absolutely. And in fact, I use one of the things now around first instinct, second instinct.
What she had said to me was you, so if you saw me walking down the street, Pre work with her you would have thought oh my god. There's a crazy woman walking down the street I would dart in and out of the buildings. I was thinking every man Was going to attack me again. I would, but I was very [00:30:00] strategic. I would dart into the buildings where there was a doorman thinking that he would save me from the perpetrator.
So, or I'd run across the street, man, seriously, I was, it was insane. And so she taught me. What are we going through this your first instinct of light is so strong. I honestly don't know if we could ever fix that. So let's forget it and let's create a second instinct. And so when you're walking in the street before you take off, come up with something to quickly change your mind.
You know, in 12 step programs, they, they call it first thought, you know, you don't have to operate on your first thought. So my little phrase was, is it a lion or a kitten? Two weeks, two weeks, she changed how I operate in life. It was incredible. And I have to say, I use this with my clients now a lot, especially when they're going through transition and you know, your fear, your anxiety, your uncertainty kicks in and doesn't, cannot serve us well too [00:31:00] often.
It's creating that second instinct of really having an understanding of where you want to go in couples work. You know, when you're, you've been fighting about money and you want to immediately go, he's being cheap. You know, he's, he's overspending, like getting out of that, getting out of that mode of thought and moving to another thought is so powerful.
So powerful. Anyway. Okay. So I will say six months. Of being really strategic. I knew I was going to move to San Francisco. I knew I was not going to work in financial services. I knew I didn't know anybody. I knew I was going to sell my apartment in New York. Like I knew all of it. I was ready. I volunteered.
Let's remember that. They took me on my word and I freaked out. You got what you asked for. What has, what happened? What changed? It's really interesting. You know, there's a, Wonderful neuropsychologist, Dr. Julia DeGrangi, [00:32:00] who talks about that our brains are allergic to uncertainty. It is not just my brain, it's the human brain is allergic to uncertainty.
And the opposite of uncertainty is not certainty, it's really understanding your emotions and trusting yourself and moving forward. And I didn't have that. That's where I was void. So it makes total sense when you put that lens onto what happened to say, so you intellectually figured out the pieces. But you didn't talk about what was going to happen to emotionally when uncertainty suddenly becomes big.
So now I get laid off, I'm like, well what if, what if I move to San Francisco and I can't find an apartment and I can't find friends and I can't find a job and what if this and what if that, all those what ifs. It was really fascinating. Anyway, as you well know, I, I moved here and I've been here for 34 years.
So it all worked out, [00:33:00] you know, moving, moving across the country and, and finding your life again, you know, building life and creating something for yourself. So you sold your place in New York. You came to San Francisco, was it, I'm gonna, you know, buy a new place here? Did you budget your money for, I'm going to give myself 12 months to figure this out?
Did you relax at all? You know, how did you manage the transition? Because obviously, you knew you were supposed to be here, but you didn't anticipate the feeling state, as you mentioned. So, how did you navigate financially and emotionally, sort of the interim between? Deciding to move, getting laid off, and then actually being here.
Yeah. So, the beauty of being forced to be independent is I had saved money. That was part of the process, right? You're going to save money because there was going to be time until you find a new [00:34:00] job and da da da. And I also always knew, listen, I, I worked in, when I was in college. time job. And in fact, as an aside, here's what's fascinating.
So I had this part time job three years in college. It wasn't until my mid 40s, I was complaining to my mother about money that my parents had My husband and I were spending on my stepdaughter at the time who was in college. I was like, well, why can't she just go get a part time job like I did? You know, I was being totally obnoxious.
And my mother said, well, you didn't have a part time job. I said, of course I did. She said, what are you talking about? You didn't have, you paid, you know, your father paid for college. I said, yes, he paid for college, but he didn't pay for my, She's like, what are you talking about? I was like, well, what are you talking about?
Talk about not talking about money in your family. Wow. You know, 20 something years later, it comes out that she thought that my father was paying everything. So isn't that fascinating [00:35:00] back to today's world. So I had saved all this money. And so I was prepared. And I also felt like if push comes to shove, I'll be a waitress again.
I'll work in a shop again. I mean, I can do that. I can make enough money. To have my bare necessities taken care of so that I'm that part I knew so well so many women you and I both know, and so many women who you're going to interview had much more sense of drive and success, my push was survival. And security and safety and independence, which, you know, there are times, of course, that I always wonder, like, what if I just had that if my drive was bigger, better?
Sure. So it's really fascinating to me. So fast forward. So I, I did a bunch of things. Fast forward. I, I do get remarried and I've not remarried. I do get married. I got married at 30 for the first time. And, um, I married a very [00:36:00] successful man who had great wealth. And, and I had this point head of marketing consulting company on, and my initials were ESP.
So it was ESP associates. And I always wanted our tagline to be, I re we already know what you need. That's really what I wanted more than anything else. And our lives get very complicated. And David said to me, I want you with me because I was really, I had no boundaries with my clients. I still don't have boundaries with my clients.
It's just not a thing. I'm not good at it. Uh, and he said, you're, you're always, you're always working and I need, we need you here. And we started a family, we started a family foundation. So I made the decision to stop working outside the home and focus on our lives. And here's what's really fascinating to me.
You take some of these messages that I learned when I was younger. People will be happy if you give them gifts. People will not be happy if you spend money on [00:37:00] yourself. I was also David's third wife, and since I married him when he was successful, people were going to assume that I was just going to spend willy nilly.
So I had, you know, Kira was giving up my power of saying, you know, screw all of you. I'm a thoughtful, intelligent, educated, um, financially prudent human being. I was, I'm going to show all of you how I don't need for me, I'm going to be on you and da, da, da, da. I mean, it was really incredible. And again, when I talk about the role of Emily Scott, not being Emily Scott, that was the role of Emily being.
A good corporate wife and somebody who really understands, understands money. The best thing about this part of my life is I got to be steeped in learning about philanthropy. And again, if I'm going to do something, I want to learn [00:38:00] what I'm doing. And I really learned that I don't know enough. I know that I care.
I know I have a big heart. I know that there are certain things that appeal to me. But I was able with. David's, um, agreement to really learn about, about philanthropy. So tell me about that because Emily, I think it's so incredible, you know, when it comes to money and values, you know, beyond the security component, beyond sort of knowing that we can take care of ourselves, there becomes this great opportunity to be able to contribute to the change.
We want to see in the world and to be able to say, you know what? I can actually change your life and I can actually change the lives of these thousands of people, or my gosh, to be able to change even one person's life and to be able to help them see something in themselves, create and enact an idea, these are extremely powerful unlocks that I [00:39:00] truly believe that the universe gives.
all of us to be able to do though, in varying degrees, and not all of us step into those roles of becoming change makers with our resources. So what was it like for you? And what did you, what was your thesis when you started? And then how did it change? What did you start to learn about yourself and about philanthropy over the years of designing what this mission looks like?
Philanthropy takes, and it's a word that I know, Can have positive and negative connotations. I really wish we could come up with a different word because I started out as a volunteer of understanding the generosity of your time and your effort to then be able to put money on that was really special.
Like I saw firsthand as a volunteer, what donors could do. And I always was like, when I want to be a donor. I, I [00:40:00] want to have money to be a donor. That was really special to me. The other piece of me that again, I've learned in this journey, I lead with my heart. Many, many years. What I heard from people was, Oh, you're all heart.
Well, you and I both know that is not meant as a compliment, right? And what I realized was, and I didn't learn it really until much later, much later that everything that I've done that I find important. and meaningful and is part of my legacy, started with my heart. And then my brain kicked in and said, okay, like, how are we going to make this happen?
And that's what I learned in my philanthropic journey. I also learned that the role of judgment is huge in a philanthropic role, and that philanthropy can take a whole host of different roles. It can be to help your pride and ego. It can be to help a cause. It can be because of [00:41:00] something important, you know, whatever it be.
And that it's not a one way makes sense for everybody. And so in the work that I do, when I do work with people in their philanthropy, I try to My premise is I want you in the pool. That's all I want you in the pool to begin with. I'll give you water wings. I'll hold your tummy while you learn to stomach while you learn to kick, find out what, what resonates with you, what resonates with your values, what resonates with your principles.
Because my belief is that when you align your money and your values together, you have peace of mind, you have clarity, and then you can do more things you take away. that brain being allergic to uncertainty because you become very certain. At the same time, you can allow yourself the opportunity to learn what you don't know.
So one of my other nuggets that I talked about a lot, a lot, you have three buckets. You have the bucket of, you know what, you know, you have the bucket of, you have some sense of what you don't know. [00:42:00] And then the bucket of you don't know what you don't know. And that third bucket, I say often, if you are living your best life.
That third bucket gets filled a lot. And so the constant state of coming to the conversation, curious, and just being curious in general allows you to learn more and that's the role of philanthropy for me, all of the, the presumptions, all of the, well, I know this, and so this is why I'm going to give money was completely.
wrong. You don't know. You can, you can know some stuff, but there's more to learn and to take the time if you, if it's important to you to take the time to learn it. Now, having said that, there's organizations, that I give to that I don't know enough to be able to have any kind of cogent art of conversation about it.
But I know that that's a space that I think is important and I want to honor them. When my friends really care about something, I [00:43:00] may not care about it, but it's really important to me to honor my friends and to honor their passion and their energy. Will the dollars be smaller than if it's something that's super important to me?
Yes, but it, it's the, and not the or right trauma. So it was a huge journey. It was also a huge journey to go from writing a hundred dollar check to a thousand dollar check to a 10, 000 check to a. 100, 000 check, and how that made me feel along the way, and how my sense of generosity had to become more educated, more nuanced, and infinitely broader.
At the same time, knowing full well, I do not have enough money to solve the problem. the problems that I want to solve. And so how do you wrestle with that? How do you not walk up and go, well, I can't do anything. And I don't, I [00:44:00] mean, I, the Starker story is fine. Doesn't help me in this case, but how do you say, well, screw it, that I'm not going to do it.
Like, that to me, again, I don't want to live in the land of or, I live in the land of and. But how did you say no? You know, obviously, when you're in these positions of allocating resources and people start to know. That you're in a position to do so. And certainly, like you mentioned, everything can have a varying degrees of resources allocated to them.
But certainly there are things where I imagine you had to say no to as, you know, as, as you were navigating, also developing your voice and now also with resources behind your voice in a different way. What was, what was it like for you to start to say no and how did you determine what was a no? Best question.
Great question. And this goes back to [00:45:00] learning who you are, trusting who you are, and applying graciousness and generosity with it. So early on when I, when the role of Emily was as corporate spouse, I was terrified to say no because either people weren't going to like me or people were going to think I'm a bitch or people were going to be like, whatever, you know, and we got a lot of, well, you can afford it, right?
There was also the quid pro quo piece of it. So I had a really hard time saying no. And frankly, when I did say no, I lied about something I can't remember now. What's interesting is that this is something that a lot of people struggle with. I did a blog about this and it was one of the Most of my blogs I've ever written.
It was through my understanding and appreciation and training to become a more aware philanthropist and to become more aware of who I am, to be able to say no with grace, and that to me is really important. So you asked [00:46:00] me to give money to something that I really didn't believe in. My first awareness was not, well, I don't believe in this.
I'm not going to give you money. My first awareness is, Shalma, this is really important to Shalma. This is as important to her as mine are important to me. And so the message was more of a, of empathy. I really understand how important this organization is to you and this mission, and I give you so much credit.
I'm thrilled. I wish I could be there with you, and it just doesn't resonate with me. It doesn't mean that it is not worthwhile, that I absolutely wish you well. I hope they accomplish their mission. It's not something that I can devote my resources to. Now, very often, I will say, majority of time, I will give something.
And, but I say, this is going to be far less than you were hoping to get. And I don't want to insult you, but I really appreciate the fact that you're asking me. I [00:47:00] really can just imagine thousands of women right now going back and listening to what you just said and, and adopting the language until they can find their own words.
You know, I feel like many of us. need to borrow from other people until we find our voice and our identity to say some of the same things. But that's really beautiful languaging to be able to honor what is important to someone while also honoring yourself and creating boundaries and ultimately being okay and reconciling with disappointment, which is ultimately what I think we're afraid to do.
Disappoint the people we love and care about and um, and make them feel like we don't care but ultimately our boundaries and our direction and life force when we're moving is so much more powerful and so I, I have a really strong feeling that many women will be borrowing that language in emails as they are being asked to [00:48:00] do things that they would love to say yes to if it resonated.
But it doesn't and you can't lie to yourself. Like that is, that is not. That's right. And, and the change is really coming from, from a place of, I get it. I've been in her shoes. I get it. Yeah. Which is the same reason why I used to spend a huge amount of time consulting nonprofits on the role of governance, governance and fundraising.
Cause they've been on. Many nonprofit boards. And I have learned so much. It was honestly, it was another graduate degree being on nonprofit boards. And what you hear a lot, particularly from women is don't ask me to fundraise. Don't ask me to ask my friends. And I started out in that same position and I morphed to a place of.
Well, why wouldn't, why wouldn't you? You're giving your time, you're giving your money, you obviously think it's important. Be prepared for someone to say no. And [00:49:00] you don't have to make the ask, you have to make the introduction. You want to make the ask line. And it's not about taking no for an answer, it's accepting that no could be an answer.
Hmm. Right? And so my fundraising for my, for what's important to me, where I used to be just, you know, my, my heart was in my throat and I was terrified to, to ask and I would make all sorts of, all sorts of caveats like, I know you ask a little bit, you know, the whole, you know, entering gingerly, you know, I lead with, I know you get asked a lot.
This is really important to me. I've really thought about how I wanted to approach you. And I'd like to share this with you. Another piece of language that I think other people will be borrowing from, and we can come up with our own. I think that's incredible, Emily. So, so moving through sort of this, let me just interject for one thing real quick, because here's another piece of it.
Let's bring it back to the money story. How often [00:50:00] do we say. I gave 100, 000 to this, that's how important it is to me, or I gave a million dollars, or I gave 5, 000. We don't put a price on it. One of the things when I, when I do group workshops or presentations, I, one of the very first questions I ask is how many of you talk to your friends about money?
How many? And, and some people will raise their hand and I say, okay, so do they know how much your salary is? They do. Do they know how much you spend on clothes? Do, have you ever told them when you gave money to this organization, how much money you've given them? I mean, like how much have you had a conversation about money?
And one of the things that always gets a laugh, I say, listen, you know, my friends know the intimate details of my orgasms. They don't know the intimate details of how I spend money, you know what I mean? This and usually people, women in the room start nodding. So obviously I've hit, I've hit a chord with people.
So that's the other piece of it. And I teach, I do this for a living. [00:51:00] And when I've said to people, you know, this, this is so important to me that this is my legacy, I've just given them a six figure gift. I am prepared for my body to go totally tense up and I'm prepared for their reactions and, and I'm ready for that.
And I say, this is. I'm telling you this because I want you to really understand how important this is. Yes. And to also take away any sort of self doubt, shame, any sort of taboo ness around being able to talk about that. I mean, a lot of us, we have values and we stand for things, but how many people are actually truly telling, exposing themselves and saying, this is how much I do believe in something.
Like this is, this is really important to me. I, um, Here's the thing though, you know, we also, especially more women than men, there, there's been study after study. Of we don't want to be judged. And when women talk about how much something [00:52:00] is or how much they spent and you know, like I gave X amount to a, to a nonprofit, the, Oh, well, doesn't she think she's holier than thou or like have herself on the back.
It's very much viewed as EO and pride. Men say they're like, good for you. You go boy, you know, like it's craziness. The studies out there on how men and women. are taught to think about money, taught to, how to talk about money. The differential is enormous. Mm. Yes. And it starts early on, you know, little girls are taught to save their money.
Boys are taught to invest. Think about it, right? You, oh, you've got BBC money, save it so you can buy yourself that nice, whatever. Boys, that baseball card is going to be worth more than you're X amount of time from now that it is now. So see, because it's a good investment, that's how early it can start.
Wow. So moving through this, the, the journey of philanthropy, [00:53:00] which started and it hasn't stopped, this is your, it's an area of like mastering and commitment for you. But a lot of other pieces of your life did change and certainly money started to evolve as you move through not only your marriage, but the things that would that happened after being married, you know, how did you start to think about your Personal resources as you moved through your marriage and then share with us sort of the the details and how things kind of unfolded because what I think is interesting here is you have been really no matter how much you say, Oh, I didn't really know where, you know, what I was doing or where I was going.
It feels to me like there's a part of you, Emily, that's always shown up and that has always. And that part of you had to maybe catch up to what the other part is you knew, but you have been directed and it feels like today the woman I speak to is [00:54:00] not only directed and integrated, um, but you've always been very directed.
So how did things start to unfold and what were some of the dominoes that led to Emily Scott? And you have said it better than anyone else ever has. I had to catch up to myself. Very, very, very well said. So the, the strong conviction in me, women's rights, uh, human rights were very strong on, on a core level, which I fought for, you know, where I would say the differential is that I didn't fight for myself.
It was much easier to fight for others. And I did that in nursery school, apparently. I did that. was taking care of the kids who were being treated poorly by other little kids. I mean, it was, you know, so that was there apparently very long. So you're 100 percent right. It's so well said Shama. Thank you.
The, the change happened. The big change happened. So here I am married to David. We have more money than we know what to do with, or we knew what to do with. [00:55:00] But I was constantly fighting our financial managers, like every quarter, to say, well, what happens if there's a correction in the marketplace? And what happens if this?
And what happens if it's, I mean, my fears took over like there was no tomorrow. The bad lady syndrome kicked into high gear. My God, she was incredibly loud and powerful. It wasn't until something inside me went, what is wrong here? Like this is crazy. You know, asset allocation theory, you know, what's going on, like, what the heck is going on here?
And that's when I went into this journey and people didn't talk about money stories then there was nothing like that, but I knew there was something off. I just knew it. And so I started scouring everywhere. And looking for what's out there to understand this. And it was through that journey to understand David's money story, which of course all of us have our own unique money stories in mind.
And where were they fighting each other? And where it really came down to [00:56:00] was our values. Our values were different. And it's not negative or positive, it's just different. He's, be the best you can be, strive for perfection. I'm like, Being mindful and thoughtful and caring and so no wonder we fought, right?
Like we didn't appreciate or understand and we needed to create another language where we could have this conversation. And that. was beautiful. Obviously, it didn't save our marriage since we got divorced. But on that piece, it was gorgeous because now we could appreciate what how we're coming to the table and how to talk to each other.
And so this is where the and versus the or took place. I loved Good to Great. I thought the and the brilliance of the and versus tyranny of the or was so powerful. And I said, Okay, I'm not going to use or but for two weeks, and it completely changed how I think. And that is how we started this whole process.
And so fast forward to David and I getting [00:57:00] divorced. You could only imagine in that transition, and our prenup was still intact, and he had much less money when we wrote the prenup than when we got divorced, and so suddenly that was a massive change to go back in time, and Bad Lady got really active again, and I knew I need a plan and if I have a plan and I know what the worst case scenario is, everything's an uptick from there.
That was always my go, it was always my default. If I can figure out security and I can, I can run for the hills and that's exactly what I did. And then I created a personal mission statement that I want my money to represent who I am. Which means safety, generosity, and clarity and peace of mind. Took that to my financial manager and I said, this is what we have to talk about.
So I know, for example, in proper asset allocation models, commodities are an [00:58:00] important piece of your asset allocation model. In my asset allocation model, they were 2 percent of my portfolio. We spent 80 percent of our conversations with her and I arguing over 2 percent because of the commodities. And in this money journey of mine, what I learned was my father lost majority of his assets because of commodities and my, the trust fund that I got from him.
Was 1 percent of what it could have been. And so somewhere inside of me, commodities was a really bad thing. Yes. I said to her, like, it's not good. It does not make intellectual sense. I can give you as great asset allocation theory about why commodities is a good piece of your portfolio as anybody else.
I know that it will haunt me and every day I will look at this portfolio and I will freak out when it goes down. I won't, I'll, when it goes up, it won't matter nearly as much as when it goes down. So let's take it out. I'll write whatever you want [00:59:00] me to write that like, you know, I'm not going to sue you, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Then because of all of that, what I realized while we were going through the divorce, I I will not be able to operate if I can't be philanthropic. That this is my legacy, and being able to give back, and being of service. And so without that, I am nothing. I also, we chose not to have children together. And so this was a big piece of it.
And the assumptions That people may, when you're a single woman without children, is extraordinary. Like, oh, you can now spend all this money on yourself, right? You don't have to save money for children. That's the last thing I want to do. If I spend all my, all my money on myself. You, at my memorial service, can talk about how miserable I will be knowing this.
I want all this money to, I want like the world to be infinitely richer when I die. And it will be, hopefully. So this transition of really learning what is important to you, so safety and [01:00:00] security and philanthropy, and then what more from there is what makes me wake up in the morning is knowing how can I be of service.
And suddenly, like truly, you know, the heavens opened up and the light shone down, said, people don't talk about the emotional side of money. People talk about the risk. And when people would say to me, what's your risk tolerance? My answer would always be for which account? Wow. Because every account has a different risk tolerance because every account is designed for a different piece of my life.
And so then at that point, eight and a half years ago, I went off to say like, Who does this and what can happen? And what, what I found out there were wonderful people like Susie Orman and other people who were really helping you manage your money, budget your money, label you as whatever you were. Nobody was talking about the emotional piece and I knew full throttle how much that emotional piece was.
Absolutely drive the decision. But [01:01:00] again, understanding the power of our emotions was not being discussed. And so I went on a deep dive for that. And that, when you ask, when you say what drove you and what made you feel successful, that was the moment for me when. There's something to this. And I remember turning to a mentor saying, five to 10 years from now, there's going to be a ton of people who are going to be doing this, especially as the, as the wealth gets transferred to women, because we think differently about money, we operate differently.
And Wall Street's going to have to come, come to terms with that, that it's not just about risk tolerance. And even that sentence is stupid on so many levels. And I found this amazing organization where they said, we don't know people like you because the people who we work with who go through our training are financial planners, lawyers, money managers.
And I [01:02:00] said, no, no, no, no. I don't want any of that. I don't want, I want my skin in the game to be your peace of mind and your clarity. I don't want it to be a means to an end where I'm suddenly managing your assets. Don't want that. I want to be fully focused. on your feelings. Because again, my premise is people need to be seen.
People need to be heard and people need to they matter. And the only reason I know that shaman is because that's what I wanted my entire life. And I was like, I'm not different. I'm just not that different. And so Own it. And when you become you, you can see that in other people and it can resonate. And so all of that heart and all that empathy and compassion and experience is going to serve you well.
I knew it. I knew it more than I've ever known anything in my life. Wow. Wow. It was powerful. It was absolutely powerful. And I will say, you know, when, when [01:03:00] clients say to me, every client I've had has said. I've never told anybody this before, or I trust you. And to me, like that's legacy making. It's powerful.
It's extremely powerful. Now when it comes to sort of your values and you know, looking at your values and having that conversation with your wealth manager and continuing to have these conversations, have your values. change at all? Do you make tweaks and changes on how you're feeling and sort of what is important?
What's the process you take yourself through on a regular basis to really ensure that you're aligning yourself with and your resources to the same direction? You know, what does that look like for you personally? So they haven't changed. They've been, they've been deepened and they've been enhanced and they've grown.
They've not changed. Right. Resilience. It's a [01:04:00] core value, uh, generosity, mindfulness, thoughtfulness, those are, um, helping others, being of service, though, those just bigger, um, and more complex than they used to be, which is fantastic. And I'm, I'm thrilled to say that. But again, I, I realized that there's so much for me to learn.
I never believed in advocacy work. I was very much of a, you know, boots on the ground, beat people, like something very tangible. And I was really anti advocacy work. And then in this coursework that I did this year long course that I took, we went to go speak to some, um, advocacy organizations. I was like, I don't want to go.
I'm not giving you money. Well, I went and I was like, Oh no, no, no, no, this, they blew my head off of the importance of accuracy work and how you have to have a long view. And I was like, okay, you apply that in the same [01:05:00] way that you look at your investments. I don't, and I don't encourage anybody, in fact, I say very much like don't have a short view.
Don't look at the markets every day, like unless you're a money manager and then yes, look at the markets every day, have the long view. And this is the same as, you know, And being an angel investor, being in private equity, have a long view. I've been advocacy workers having a long view, right? So I had to put a lens on how do I understand this from an intellectual level, and then is it going to resonate with me on an emotional level?
And in my, my mission of the plan three that I do, that makes sense. Absolutely. Absolutely. This is really giving yourself the opportunity. Coming to the conversation curious, um, E. B. White, my favorite quote, Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder. Here's my favorite quote, and I can't even remember.
Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder. Like, [01:06:00] this is such a big piece of it. Mmm, absolutely. And, you know, what I think is so incredible is how your work today with Emily Scott and has really evolved into extremely broad transformational work with couples, individuals, with doing workshop retreats, with being able to share with others, which you've done so beautifully today, your story as an example of how to sort of think about navigating and then leading people with vulnerability.
To their own answers, you know, I, I would love to hear from you some of the gems or some of the, the transformations or things that you've been able to pick up or, or unlock from people. You know, one of the greatest things about being able to support others is it's really a gift to ourselves continuously.
100%. You know, it's like, we're constantly, they're doing the work and getting [01:07:00] something out of it. We're doing the work and getting something out of it. Everyone's getting something out of it when it's done well. What have been some of those unlocks? It is such a gift to have this lifelong learning. And I learn stuff every day doing this work.
And again, so many of us were taught to not talk about money. So it's a very robust topic when you say, we're going to start talking about money. And you make it safe space. And, and yes, I very much lead with vulnerability. And I think that makes it easier for people to open up. No question. You know, I put a speaker sheet together and there's so many different topics because I'm like, money is in all so many facets of our lives.
Like how could it, how could you not be able to talk about it? So where are the, where are the nuggets? The nuggets happen again when you give people the space to feel safe to talk about what they've never talked about. And then it, they come fast and [01:08:00] furious, fast and furious. The, you know, the couples that I've talked to who they're blaming each other and accusing each other and labeling each other.
And then when they start looking at their own money stories and then start comparing how their money stories. are either in alignment or in conflict. And then going to an intentional standpoint. When I sit with couples, the very first thing I ask them in separate conversations is, do you want to stay married?
Because if you don't, our conversations are not going to be helpful and they're not going to figure out your struggles. So what's really beautiful is to hear people who were at each other. To say, honey, I love you. I know you love me. I know we want to work together because we want this marriage to work.
Therefore, I know this is how I'm, this is how I'm thinking about money. If I understand this is how you're thinking about money, is that true? So where are we going to find alignment? It's a really different conversation. [01:09:00] You, again, you're being heard and what's happened to you and what you're feeling matters.
And then what happens is clarity starts happening and these aha moments are happening. I worked with two lawyers, two women who were partners together. They had dramatically different money stories. One was brought up as a, as a single child and, and, and her parents were all about Money will, money grows on trees and we're going to have it and don't you worry about it.
And the other one was first generation American, from a cultural standpoint, it was you take every single penny in you and you guard it with your life. There's no frivolous nature around money in any way, shape or form. Now they are looking at, at their firm that they've created. The first client, the first person, woman I talked about was like, you throw money into the, into the, Partnership and it will flourish.
Second one was like, Oh my God, no. [01:10:00] What planet do you live on? Like that is not what happens. The first one says, don't worry about it. I'll do it. You don't, it doesn't have to come from you. I'll just go ahead and do it. Forget it. Second one goes, Oh, so now like I no longer matter. What's important to me no longer matters.
I see. Right. Wow. Wow. The two women, crazy smart. So when we did their money stories, and I was like, so look at this, look at what happens. I get to, you know, I don't know, 10 seconds for them to go, Oh my God. You know, I can't imagine how many potential co founders out there could really use a session with you before they start a business.
Um, as somebody who's gone through a, co founder breakup myself, I can say it's just like a divorce, if not worse, because you're you're putting everything who you think you are on the line. And most of us overly index on our intellectual prowess as our identity. So [01:11:00] you know, there's a lot of a lot of that going on.
I can really see just these Initial conversations being so important really in the merging of any two entities that, that are coming together in order to create something or in order to merge their, their lives together, business, personal, um, and then certainly on the individual side. So Emily, it's, it's clear to me, sort of, Your legacy and impact and what you're looking to create in this world.
I'm also really curious as to all of the fun you have in this world. You know, we spend a lot of time talking about money and it's powerful purposefulness around philanthropy and our values and how we align things. Money's energy, and we certainly get to have fun with this energy. So darling. What are some of your favorite things that you like to spend money on today?
How do you shower yourself with love, gifts, [01:12:00] experiences, what do they look like? I 100 percent agree with you that it is so important to have fun. I mean, this working hard for the sake of working just doesn't, I, I don't get it. I just don't get it. So I love to dance. So give me a good Zumba class and I'll pay as much money as I need to.
Um, it is really fun. I love to play golf. Playing golf is not cheap. I love to treat friends. And here's what's so nice more than anything else about the gift stuff. You know, if you circle back to the beginning of our conversation, GIFs were a tool. Gifts were a tool to calm the waters and to get somebody to like you.
That's why you gave gifts. Now I give gifts because it makes me so happy to be generous. Yeah. You know, my bag lady kept me holding on to things for so long. This opportunity [01:13:00] to be generous, to not just give something enough. But to go beyond and not, I'm not talking about like, you know, I'm not about to go buy you a car tomorrow, unless you really want one, then we shut the competition, but that you can go beyond like the, the natural instinct of saying, Not, can I afford it, but again, my personal mission statement of how do I want, how do I want my money to represent who I am?
I want people to know that I am generous of spirit and of heart and of money. And that's important to me. I have to say, I also love volunteering. One, I feel like I'm doing good. Two, you meet like minded people. And it's wonderful. You know, my new husband, I got married a month ago. We volunteer every Saturday morning at a food bank.
We've been doing it for four years. I call it my little United Nations family. And I, we now make our plans around making sure that we're there. So those are some of the ways. I shower my rescue [01:14:00] dogs, and they now live in the lap of luxury. I have a beautiful home that I love to open up to people and to things that are important to them, and I get to do that, which is wonderful.
And, you know, I have a very privileged life. I have a very White woman's privileged life, and I'm very aware of that, and so where I derive pleasure and fun is when I can take some of that privilege and do something good with it. And that takes all sorts of shapes and forms, and again, you know, what I want your listeners to know is You can expand it.
You know, you really, I love arts and crafts. You can expand it. Like you, I don't think enough of us fully appreciate how big that can look. You know, what are the other things I will be very upfront and say, again, my curiosity. leads, leads the day between my curiosity and my heart. I'm like, [01:15:00] okay, fine.
Wherever now, where are we now? What are we doing? I really find people who like, you know, intuitives and shamans. I think they're fascinating. And I think they, they have a view of worlds and concepts. That very few of us are willing to be open to. I'll do that. I'm looking for information and it comes all over the place.
Sure does. Well, Emily, you've been so generous with your spirit, your time, your loveliness. I am so grateful to consider you. a friend, someone who I deeply look up to and admire for your journey. Certainly with all that you do for others, there must be some things that we, the audience can do for you. How can we evangelize support and help expand the impact of what you are [01:16:00] creating on this planet?
I love that question. I've listened to you ask that question to others on this incredible podcast that you've created. And I applaud you for asking the question. Again, I don't think women ask each other that enough. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am on a mission. I do not want people to have to be in conflict because they don't understand who they are at their core.
Therapy is phenomenal, and I've heard from so many therapists that they don't talk about money, and now it is changing. If you read the articles like I do, it is very much changing. And I'm not a therapist, but I am a financial navigator and a thought partner. And the more people that I can introduce to this concept of money story and getting to really know who you are at your core around that, and then what can happen from there, how understanding how you fertilize it and how you can bring It's [01:17:00] just for wishing and how you can have peace of mind and clarity, the more grateful I will be.
Wow. It sounds like we should all sign up to get some coaching.
I love doing presentations. I love talking, you know, as, as friends of mine said, you've never met a microphone you didn't like, which is probably true. Again, to be surrounded by people who want to know themselves better is a beautiful thing to be part of. And this is where magic happens and it doesn't happen, I'm the, I'm the navigator, you're the pilot, right?
I'm just helping you get there. It's really that simple. Well, Emily, you are a incredible leader and I hope you get to see and feel the impact that your life is having on a daily basis. To the people organizations who recognize and see [01:18:00] your support, but also to those who will never know you and who will be the recipient of your butterfly effect without even knowing that this beautiful long brown hair woman is over here working magic.
Um, to make their lives better. And so I want to thank you for your service and thank you for being here today on getting rich together. Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you for creating this podcast. It is so needed.
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of getting rich together. Please take a minute to subscribe. And if you like this episode, I'd love it. If you could share it with a friend who is ready to elevate their financial future until next time, let's keep getting rich together.
Creating a Family Mission Statement
Ashley and I talk about creating your own personal or family mission statements, and how you can use that to live your values more fully. We all have those values and beliefs that are most important to us. How much time have you spent thinking about them? Incorporating them in your life? With your partner? With your family? Are they the same as those of others in your family? Join us as we talk about the why, how, what, when, and how to continue to monitor and review your mission to keep it as a Northstar in your life.
Ashley and I talk about creating your own personal or family mission statements, and how you can use that to live your values more fully. We all have those values and beliefs that are most important to us. How much time have you spent thinking about them? Incorporating them in your life? With your partner? With your family? Are they the same as those of others in your family? Join us as we talk about the why, how, what, when, and how to continue to monitor and review your mission to keep it as a Northstar in your life.
Source: https://youtu.be/h3vLG0DHP1o