Can We Be Impartial With Ourselves About Our Money?

Can We be Impartial With Ourselves About Our Money?

Impartiality is a hot topic in the press these days. The issue of neutrality led me to wonder if we are fair with ourselves. Are we open to new ideas, facts, lessons learned, or are we just critical with our life choices? I posed these questions to my clients as we reviewed their 2019 year-end financial picture and discussed 2020 goals. I, too, need to answer these questions for the same reasons and for the same periods. What follows is some guidance on how you can create your new year/new decade in ways that make sense for your financial goals, while appreciating your life values, principles, money narrative, and thought process.

Give Grace

A client and I discovered we both overspent with our gift-giving in 2019. We compared notes and found we had the same reactions of being self-critical for going over our personal budgets. In our meeting, when reviewing my client’s finances, she expressed anxiety and fear about the ramifications of overspending in a category. For 2020, she had started planning how not to repeat her “error.” My questions, such as, “How did it feel to buy a gift for your Uncle? Will you walk through the entire process?” brought forth how calm and joyful she felt at the time of buying and giving the gift. Through this process, we discovered that her style of gifting intertwined her life values of generosity and thoughtfulness.

The same is true of me. After some pondering, I don't regret how I’ve prioritized my life values and resulting financial picture at all. Giving allows me to live my life the way I want to live it.

Everyone has a money narrative; derived from how we grew up with money, what we learned explicitly or implicitly about it. Our money story holds our emotions, which leads to our thoughts and actions. I encourage you to review your 2019 financial actions with a different lens. Flipping your self-narrative from critical to positive can offer a needed reframe of your money narrative.

Consider Trade-Offs

A review and reconstruction of your yearly budget are appropriate. We are all in a constant state of transition. How we think about money, how we spend and save money reflects the changes in our lives. I work with my clients to create their personal Venn diagram – the intersection of your dollars with the collection and prioritization of wants, needs, and life values. If you have already created your 2020 budget, given we are already in February, you may be wise to take another look at it. I encourage you to ask yourself, “Is this budget financially feasible? What do I want to trade-off to make it so?” I previously wrote about The Beauty of Budgets, where I spend a great deal of time reflecting on my relationship to money, my needs, life values, and financial goals. Don't worry; it isn't as painful as you think. Setting a budget can bring comfort and clarity.

Give Yourself Affirmation

As we move into alignment, as we gain insight into our personal money story, how we think about our financial picture takes on a different perspective. I heard someone say, “leave your head, and get into your heart.” I wish I had come up with that line as it describes my philosophy of how to think with all systems in concert together. Let me offer, that when you act while considering your life values and priorities, there can be a sense of calmness, of certainty. “This is what I was meant to do,” is an expression I hear when this occurs.

Serenity was what my client felt when she took her son to serve at a food pantry during the holidays, which resulted in his appreciation of the many gifts he has received from his parents. Another client thought it necessary to take his family on a trip to see relatives across the country and altered his financial structure to accommodate that trip. At the end of 2019, I traveled to the US/Mexico border to volunteer with humanitarian non-profits assisting asylum seekers. While I didn't go there seeking fulfillment, my mission highlighted my need to serve others who are less fortunate – another reason to tweak my financial plan so I can continue to be of service.

Leigh Weinraub, Founder of Mind in Motion, speaks about “honoring the process of reflection,” as it will bring awareness and understanding of who you are, how you think, and where you are going in your life. I invite you to use the philosophy of reflection on your disposable income and your financial goals in the exact same way.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” - Aristotle

In this special Year of the Rat, not just a new year but a new decade, which brings with it the promise of prosperity, we can make choices that enable us to provide comfort – mental and physical – for the future. May you move forward this year with joy, enthusiasm, and interest in learning more about and being more impartial with yourself.  If I can be your navigator, sounding board, listening partner, or guide, you know where to find me.

With Warmth and Gratitude - Emily

A Cornucopia for Your Mental Nourishment

November is the month where we are especially thankful for our bounty, in whatever form it takes. I am grateful for this year’s opportunities for growth, challenge, learning, and listening. In the spirit of the season, I offer you fodder for your nourishment.

Perspective Can Take You Anywhere

We are all in some life transition – either by choice or thrust upon us. It can be hard to appreciate what we know when changes are cascading over us. Put your knowledge in perspective by viewing learning and growth as the contents of three different buckets.

1. I know what I know: I am confident and self-assured in this knowledge.

2. I know something about what I don't know: I know something about a topic and my learning process needs to continue.

3. I don't know what I don't know: I am aware knowledge is obtainable if I remain open and curious.

Please note that buckets 2 and 3 are large (and getting larger by the day for me!). When you accept this notion, it is much easier to ask questions.

Your Money Story Affects You and Yours

Your money story, whether consciously or not, affects the majority of the decisions you make. When discussing life values, financial goals, philanthropic direction, and legacy planning with clients, I unpack their money stories. Your money narrative can be subtle, nuanced, and hidden, especially as we are taught to not talk about money. Open a dialogue to uncover your story and, eventually, the dots start connecting. Sharing your story brings you clarity and peace of mind and allows your professionals to do an even better job for you.

Energize is In, Passion is Semi-In: 

I once gave a TedTalk about The Evolution of a "Passionaholic;" a phrase I coined, meaning a person whose passion engages one so completely that other pursuits pale in comparison. At present, passion seems to equate to a borderline obsession. Now, I am a proponent of “energize” – what or who gives you energy. Stage 2 Planning’s Josh Patrick and I revisit the passion topic. Tune in to the podcast to hear how to find what energizes you and how to keep that interest.

“And, Emily, what energizes you?”

Answer – Acting on my core value that people want to matter, be seen, and be heard. In my both personal and professional lives, I do this by listening, empathizing, comforting, guiding, and/or just showing up. For decades, I have volunteered for humanitarian efforts here and abroad (incl. US/Mexico border, Democratic Republic of Congo, Lesvos/Athens Greece). This month, I return to our border to work with other volunteers helping asylum seekers. I am humbled by those in need, the volunteers, and those who choose to support my efforts. My volunteerism is food for my soul, providing the nourishment of perspective, gratitude, humility, and God's grace.

The reading of Warsan Shire’s poem, HOME, by a member of The Aswat Ensemble (in April at The Othering and Belonging Conference in Oakland) is especially profound to me. PLEASE listen (she starts at the 7:45 mark) and/or read to learn why anyone would ever leave home.

“We can learn to see each other and see ourselves in each other and recognize that human beings are more alike than we are unalike.”  - Maya Angelou

May we all continue to find fulfilling growth and connection. Peace, clarity, and joy to you and yours.

With warmth and gratitude – Emily